Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
