i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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