new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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