you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
