ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
