Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
