You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
