That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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