shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
