I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
