somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
apparently the secret to your success is patron
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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