You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
