marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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