ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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