Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
