she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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