I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
