I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
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Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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