Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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