Already got asked if we're dating
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
