I need help removing her.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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