And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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