just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
