She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
