I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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