Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
