so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
