Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
