She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize