and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
