Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
