i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
