i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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