I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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