I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
