oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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