So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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