I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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