I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
