omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
