Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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