You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
