Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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