Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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