Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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