i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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