My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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