she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
