If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
