I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
