also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
