got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the day after is always just damage control
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize