His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
