so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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