you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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