Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
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