I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
