So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
