if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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