apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
