Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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