I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
