My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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