I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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