Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
