It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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