I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
false alarm. still invincible.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
