i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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