Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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