Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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