Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
