I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Pooping to opera.
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