Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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