I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This toilet bowl is my home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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