Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
