I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
